Giancarlo Cristea
For family and friends
Someone sent you this page.
Probably because showing you is easier than explaining. You will not find rules here, or a course. These are a few short videos about what actually happens, most of them made by autistic or ADHD people themselves. Nothing asks you to change overnight, or to understand everything. The things that help most are small, and some of them mean doing less, not more.
When the words stop
Meltdown and shutdown: two things that look very different, but ask the same thing of you.
8:16Meltdown and shutdown: what they mean and how to helpThe difference between the two and, more importantly, what helps in each. Most often what helps is less: less light, fewer questions, less insistent presence.
1:21Eighty seconds about too much informationA short film from the British autism charity, told in the first person by an autistic person: "sometimes I get too much information, and my brain is too crowded". It asks nothing of you except a minute of patience, and that is precisely the point.
1:41How to actually help, in ninety secondsThe shortest thing on this page, told by an autistic adult. If you have only ninety seconds before you walk into the room, this is the one.
10:12Meltdowns 101: what loved ones should knowWhat is actually happening, why it is not a tantrum, and what helps in the three stages: before, during, after. Told by an autistic woman, for the people around her.
When they tell you they are autistic or have ADHD
A diagnosis in adulthood changes the past first, not the future. What is said in the first few minutes matters long afterwards.
9:42Seven things not to sayPhrases that sound kind and land the opposite way: "but you do not seem autistic", "everyone is a bit like that", "I do that too". Two autistic adults explain why they hurt and what to say instead.
15:31What I wish my family and friends had knownA woman diagnosed late says plainly what she needed to hear, and what hurt. If you watch only one thing here, watch this.
In the relationship, day to day
Not about endless patience, but about concrete things that lower the friction for both of you.
7:43How to support your autistic partnerExplained by an autistic adult, for the neurotypical partner: what the need for solitude actually means, why silence is not anger, and where the line sits between helping and taking over.
8:18Five ways to support, from someone autisticFive concrete things, from a late-diagnosed autistic woman: how to ask, how to leave room, what not to assume. Short and without theory.
30:29A neurodiverse marriage, told by both of themAn autistic man and his neurotypical wife talk about the same moments, each from their own side, in the first part of the conversation. It has human-written subtitles, not automatic ones.
7:08How to help someone who has ADHDWhat helps and what makes things worse, said without blame on either side. In particular: why repeated reminders do not work, and what to do instead.
When it is PDA
A powerful need for autonomy. Here how you ask matters more than what you ask, and a kind request can be as hard to bear as an order. The first three are short and practical, from one minute to two. The last three are long, twenty-five minutes and up, for when you have time and want to understand more deeply.
1:20What PDA is, in eighty secondsThe shortest entry point, from the British PDA association. Just enough to understand what is meant, if you are hearing the word for the first time.
1:08What it feels like inside, in sixty secondsA short animation about what happens underneath the refusal. The other materials here explain what PDA is and how to act; this one shows where it comes from.
2:19What concretely helps: three ways of askingThe request phrased indirectly, the choice left open, the time to respond. Two minutes that change more than any long explanation.
25:26A different way of asking: declarative languageInstead of questions and prompts, observations: "I see the door is open" rather than "close the door". The speaker is a family member, not a specialist, and says what changed in their home.
29:51Why a diagnosis matters in adulthoodA full webinar on what changes when the profile gets a name, and what does not. It speaks to the person living it rather than to you, but it helps you understand why one word can matter so much.
28:07Which therapy helps, and which backfiresWhen autonomy is the core of the problem, some of the usual approaches do harm. Useful especially if you are helping them look for a therapist: you both learn what to avoid.
When it is OCD
Here ordinary helping does harm: the reassurance you give now feeds tomorrow's loop. It is the most counter-intuitive thing on this page.
6:56How to help without feeding the loopConcrete wording for the moment when you are asked, for the tenth time, to confirm that everything is fine. It is not about refusing, but about answering differently.
2:36What happens to the person you loveTwo and a half minutes from the international OCD foundation, on how families end up, out of care, becoming part of the ritual without realising.
One thing, if you keep only one
The question "what do you need right now?" almost always helps more than any advice. And if the answer is "nothing, just stay", that is a whole answer, not a rejection.
The full video library →